december 12

this will be good

I know that if riot718 and I lived closer to each other we'd be great friends. I know this because our working lives are very important to us (and we both work in media), we're both opinionated, and because I totally bitched her out over something she wrote and she shot right back to me exactly what I deserved. Which prompted me to apologize and say what I actually meant instead of yelling at her. And I think she forgave me. She reminds me a lot of Polly. And now she's offered some help that I really need right now.

No, not pregnant, as far as I know. But we have decided that if it didn’t happen this month, we'll try again next month. I'm not making a big deal about it because I don't want a million people asking me if I'm pregnant. I already put up with that from close friends. The work team knows that this is in the cards for me sometime this year so it won't be a big surprise to them if it happens. Andi was hired specifically because of her past experience supporting a working mom in an agency environment. So, people will know when they need to know. And that will be at the 12-week gestation mark. This will probably be the only time in my life that I'm private about something, and that's still not very private since here I am posting it to the Internet.

But I'm getting very serious about asking pregnant women and working moms how they do it. Nowhere in this town have I been able to find a woman who owns a small company, had a baby, and came back to work. Some consultants do that, but that won't work for me. I'm the CEO and the sole rainmaker of our little boutique and it's hard to replace me and it's impossible for the company to survive without the management and sales I do. The closest situation to mine is unfolding; a woman I know from a three-chick PR firm is five months pregnant. The difference is that she's not sure she'll go back and if she does she's not sure in what capacity, and there are two other partners to take up her slack. I won't have that.

I already know I'll have a nanny, the one who raised me. Perfect situation. And I won't work as much as my mom did when we were growing up (50+ hours a week) because A* simply wouldn't allow it. And, my kids will have a dad at home, which I didn't (although I had grandparents which was almost better). Still, I'm not a super high-energy person. I need 6 hours a night. I need to eat. I'm not good at multi-tasking. This will be hard.

God, I wish I had my kids in my early 20s. They'd be in school by now and I wouldn't be fretting over this. So all you gals who are career focused, have a good entry-level or mid-level job in your field, and are thinking you may want kids (and have the means to get pregnant), DO IT NOW. I know three women who had kids in their early 20s and went on to fabulous careers. One has her own printing company, another is the most respected marketing pro in the city, and one is a fabulously successful chef (and soon-to-be grandma at 42). They got the baby rearing out of the way early and then had the years from age 25 on to build their careers. I'm sure they got a slower start, but it's always easier to build up slowly than take a step backward.

I think this notion that having kids early ruins your chances of advancing in your field is bullshit and I don’t care what the statistics say. It may be statistically true that women who have babies earlier in their lives don't have high-powered careers in the working world. But who's to say they wanted that in the first place? Maybe they decided their career would be motherhood and, in fact, they advanced in their chosen field just like any working mother would. This notion exposes our prejudice against moms who choose not to work outside their home. I also believe it gives society an excuse to not support working moms: if they're not going to be productive employees anyway, why should the corporate world go out of its way to accommodate them? This is one of the main reasons why I have my own company. I love my work, but I want to balance well with the rest of my life. I want integration, not compromises.

Okay. This sounds like I'm freaking out. Actually, I'm not. I just want to be prepared. Remember what the tarot card lady said? She said as soon as I quit worrying about the money and simplify my life, I'll be ready for this baby. I'm happy to say, I'm getting there. We may have some struggles ahead, but whatever. We got through last year. We'll get through this year and the next and the next.

This will be good.

- december 18