october 11.1

poverty and the art of self-expression

A* did not get laid off. I am so relieved. Not just because we need his paycheck, but because he really loves his job and he feels like he's making a valuable contribution to the company. They seem to know it, too--a third of the company was let go. He's only been there a month so he's obviously made an impression.

My husband is such a superstar.

****

West Wing rocked last night. I was so excited it took all I had to not jump around and squeal during the first scene. I'm not sure why Sorkin chose to jump back and forth from just after the MS disclosure to four weeks later, but after I figured out that's what was going on, I could follow it.

Toby is my kind of patriot. I think he might be my boyfriend, too.

My heart broke for CJ. She's such a sister.

It was a relief to see my show back on track after that Very Disappointing Very Special Episode.

****

It's Fall. This means I want to buy clothes. In Fall, I buy thick, luxurious, artful pieces. Summer is for trends. Fall is for self-expression. Perhaps this is because in Oregon, we wear our Fall clothes most of the year.

I can't tell you how desperately I want to go buy a whole new wardrobe. After I left post production and went agency, and people dressed better, I began to see the value of buying well-made clothes. I discovered boutiques and local designers and found out there was more to life than the Gap.

In fact, I really haven't bought any new clothes since I started working for The Big Agency. And though I still have those pieces, the cheap shit that augmented them are so done. I need to throw them all out and start fresh.

I want stuff that tells people where I am: creative, innovative, strong and durable, but still a risk-taker. Creating clothing ensembles is one form of visual artistry.

I can't justify blowing a grand on a new wardrobe. All this means is that I'll have to work a little harder and hunting through the funky shops with consignment and second hand. In the end, this will probably be a better expression of where I am now anyway.

As I was thinking about this I read an entry by partygirl*, in which she writes about the art and self-expression of fashion and how it can help us remind us of who we are. This is exactly what I'm saying. During times of transition, or right after a significant transition, I always want new clothes that represent that change.

Anyway, she reminded me that I can make these clothes that I want. Ok, I need to take a class because I haven't sewed since I made a denim jumper in the seventh grade. But I just got a beautiful, old sewing machine from an estate. And I could take a class. And then there's the woman who made my wedding dress who, at 90, is still sewing.

Another example of how poverty can bring a richness to your life that money can never buy.

*If you haven't been reading partygirl you need to. She's a New Yorker. I can't tell you more than that because I can't speak aloud about these things. I can't even write them. I just can't.

- october 11.