july 24

voice

Karen is one of the smartest women I know. (Well, I don’t really know her, just send her fan mail occasionally, but you know what I mean.) She consistently writes the most fascinating, articulate and engaging journal entries of any online writer I’ve come across. Lately, much of her writing has centered around her experiences as a new mother although just as often she’s writing a scholarly critique of a piece of literature. And now she’s writing a novel.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of her ability to always have the appropriate amount of smarts, humor, sympathy, indignant rage or whatever the piece calls for. When I’m really wrapped up in jealousy I tell myself that it must take her days to write such polished material but I’m sure she whips these entries out in no time because she doesn’t have time for such stuff and she’s just that good.

I was a little heartened when I read a recent entry where she admitted that it took a while to find her journal voice. Hmm, I thought. That’s exactly the problem I’ve been having. I try to write these witty little pieces that turn out completely lame. I’m really not nearly as insipid as my writing. The voice I’ve used for the past 15 years in my paper journal just doesn’t seem appropriate for public consumption. But maybe it is. Maybe I just have to go with it. And maybe I just have to start thinking of this little spot on the Internet as my practice place and not worry about being so, well, anything. Just stop worrying.

The other thing I’ve been lamenting is my inability to write honestly because I live and work in such an insulated and inter-connected community where everyone knows everyone, and we all work for the same clients or agencies in some fashion, or have in the past, or may in the future. While it’s generally friendly, I’m paranoid about having too much of myself hanging out there. But I think I’ve worked out a way to get around that while still tell the truth about where I am in my life. Which happens to be the best place I’ve been in 10 years. And why should I worry about someone knowing how happy I am?